


Fenris' Choice

by Meithanos



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-03-09 23:17:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18926992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meithanos/pseuds/Meithanos
Summary: What really went through Hawke's mind when she first saw the tall brooding elf with the glowing tattoos?Why did Fenris stick around when every instinct warned him not to get involved?He had never really had a choice before.  Now he was constantly being given the opportunity to decide what his own fate was.  Hawke swore to herself that so long as she was able she would make sure of it.  But what she didn't realize was the weight his choices would have on her life and her heart.  How the choices of two seemingly random people in the city as a whole would become a source of change for not only the City of Kirkwall but eventually all of Thedas.Told mostly through the perspective of Hawke or Fenris as appropriate.





	1. Meetings

Jacqueline Hawke growled as she pulled her daggers from yet another mercenary. Where were all these fuckers coming from? If she ever saw that dwarf, Anso, after this she was going to kill him herself.  
  
She should have known this was a trap. The empty chest in the empty house only proved it. Now they were having to fight their way back out of the alienage. She rolled out of the way of a fireball thrown from Bethany at some target behind her and she heard the last of their foes hit the ground screaming as the flames took them.  
  
“Well, that was fun. Remind me to never get on our bad side. Seems... unhealthy,” Varric commented from the other side of the tree.  
  
“Don't celebrate, yet, Varric.... Looks like we have one more,” Anders offered as he raised his staff as he fell into line next to Jacqueline.  
  
“I don't know who you think you are, but you just made a serious mistake, friend. Tell me where The Elf is and I won't kill you all. Lieutenant, I want everyone in the clearing, now!” Said a new voice of a man now blocking the way out of the Alienage.  
  
Whoever decided that places like the Elven Alienage needed only one way in or out needed shot. It was waiting to be used as a death trap, like now, Hawke thought as she braced for another round despite her exhaustion. She was about to say she knew nothing about any elf, like they all seemed to be going on and on about when the “Lieutenant” stepped out of the alley entrance with a gaping hole in his chest.  
  
The Lieutenant muttered an apology before he fell down face first, no doubt dead. Behind him a tall lithe elf who was about one missed meal from being blown over from all appearances. Only the huge sword on his back said otherwise, or maybe it was there to keep him from blowing away. That weapon alone gave Hawke pause from putting away her daggers.  
  
He muttered an apology for the subterfuge of getting her there. She wasn't sure since she was lost in the puzzle that was this man... elf in front of her. Even his voice was deceptively deep, it sent a shiver down her spine despite her weariness, though she detected a note of weariness and caution in his tone.  
  
He introduced himself as Fenris, an escaped Imperium slave seeking revenge for the pale blue lines she had at first mistaken as tattoos. She was shocked to learn they were actually Lyrium. That stuff was volatile at the best of times, and it had been infused into his skin? Likely against his will or without his knowing the full of it from the sounds of it. If anything the hints he was speaking of was enough to spark her interest and make her want to learn more about this soft spoken elf.  
  
“Danarius would take back what he believes to be his, even if he has to strip my flesh from my body,” he growled, making his his deep voice even lower and harsher as his fists clenched at his sides.  
  
“Seems like a waste of a perfectly good elf,” she said blushing slightly at her words even as she grinned. Her grin only grew at the shy, awkward almost smile that he gave her as he cleared his throat.  
  
He doesn't know how to react to that, she realized as she watched him. The mild flirting between them seemed to help Fenris relax enough that he chose to ask them for help finding his FORMER master and put an end to his long running.  
  
Fenris had decided to stand and fight to ask for allies in his fight, she realized. She also decided that from then on she would make sure he always had a choice.


	2. Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris' first impressions of Hawke's band of misfits as they take on Danarius' cronies.

Fenris watched the group Anso had found after careful planning. Something seemed... off with the group, or maybe that was just his paranoia setting in. It had protected him this long, after all.

  
He watched Jacqueline especially. She seemed so carefree and wild. While she somewhat resembled one of the others she also seemed more... fiery. Her dark, shoulder length hair showed hints of red that he could only imagine what it would look like in sunlight. Her turquoise eyes were bright and playful, though he also noted the keen intellect and fire that burned within them, no doubt taking in even the smallest of details.

  
He couldn't help but smirk at the banter and good natured teasing of the group. He envied it a little. He had been on the run for so long, he hadn't given much thought to what it meant to stop running. To have friends to watch his back.

  
That line of thinking took him to Seheron and the atrocities he committed there. He clenched his fists and shook his head. She was helping him blindly. He would not let her suffer that same fate. He may have found Jacqueline... interesting, but he would not... no... COULD not let himself get too close to the woman until Danarius was dealt with. Even then he had no clue what the future would bring and any personal attachments would only be a liability. He would not add these... allies to the weight he carried in his soul after the Fog Warriors who had shown him kindness only to be thanked with betrayal and trickery at his own hands.

  
He shook himself out of his thought when they came to the mansion he knew belonged to either Danarius or one of his men. He had reports Danarius was in this mansion, but he wasn't going to get his hopes up. That would be too easy and his live was never that easy.

  
Once they entered the mansion Fenris called out a challenge to whoever was there. His intentions clear even if his newfound allies looked at him oddly. He was tired of running and this was how he planed to show it.

  
The small group fought from room to room, clearing out slavers, mercenaries, and demons as they did so. He noticed a few things about his allies. First the damned mages. He should have spotted them sooner. It didn't sit well with him that he may at some point find himself beholden to a damned mage. Second, Hawke herself fighting from person to person as if in an intricate dance of death. Her twin daggers flashing with deadly precision. He found himself more than once fighting back to back or next to her as they protected each other's flank. More than once he paused to admire her wild determination as they fought.

  
All in all it did not take long for them to clear out the mansion only to find no trace of Danarius.

  
“I... I thank you for your help in this. Feel free to take whatever you find as payment. I think I will stay here. If Danarius wants his mansion back he is free to come claim it,” he announced thoughtfully. “If you need or want my help in the future, I am willing to join you. For now... I need some air.” With that he nodded to them before stepping outside. He could feel the magic of the mages in the group crawling along his markings like fire ants biting at his skin. He was too well trained and had too much self discipline to show his discomfort, especially not in front of these people... who were strangers and already knew too much about him. But it had been necessary to tell them what he had... so they knew what they were up against.

  
He leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms as he let the night air cool his battle worn body. The lyrium in his skin burned after such extended usage, especially in such close proximity to mages. Not that the sting of pain they caused wasn't a constant reminder of them or his past, or what little of it he remembered. He ran a hand through his hair and growled. His mind drifting to the what if's he knew he could never have. But he knew they were just daydreams, more tauntings of hopes and things he could never had. He had seen how Anders, the blond male healing mage, had looked at Jacqueline. In the back of his mind he wondered if his feelings were returned? Though she seemed to be the flirtatious type. He doubted that she'd go anywhere with her flirting, especially where he was concerned. After all who would willingly choose to be with someone who wasn't really free, just a runaway slave with only the clothing and weapons he carried on him. So long as Danarius was out there he would never truly be free.

  
His marks ignited when he heard the door behind him, his hand instinctively moving to his sword before he realized it was only the others leaving. His eyes narrowing as he looked at Hawke and her band as they left the mansion.

  
“You willingly work with mages, are you aware of the sleeping vipers you associate with?” He asked in warning. His eyes going more toward the Healer than to the other woman. In the back of his mind he wondered how two mages could be more different in how they presented themselves.

  
He saw the flash of warning in Hawke's eyes while the two mages tensed behind her. Her eyes met his eyes as she answered, “I am aware of the dangers,” and he relaxed slightly. Bethany looked ready to scold Hawke for her words before Jacqueline added, “Just as I know the benefits. They are people too, who deserve to be treated as such.”

  
He had not answer for that. He simply nodded. “Remember I am here, if you need me to join you.” He decided he could tolerate the mages if she chose to trust people on actions and deeds and not circumstances of birth or nationality. He found it odd that he was the one to break the eye lock he had with the rogue before him, her blue-green eyes showing challenge to him and no trace of fear like he was used to seeing.

  
His heart nearly stopped at the smile she shot him as she said good night. Then he watched the group walk into the dawn of Hightown and he sighed as he felt hope, real hope, for the first time in a long time. And also for the first time in a long time he did not immediately force it away from his mind.

  
For now at least he could say he was free, and something he saw that night told him Hawke would fight with all she had, even against him to keep it that way. With that thought he went back into “his” mansion and locked the door before setting up a place to sleep away from the majority of the corpses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, my chapters are so short just now. This is all set up and character insights.
> 
> Also forgive the awkward formatting as I'm still new how to post chapters and such here.


	3. Hawke's Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bethany and Hawke have a discussion about a certain elf instead of sleeping. Hawke makes a declaration.

Bethany and Jacqueline went to their Uncle's after that. Varric, being ever the Gentleman, saw them home safely while Anders went to his clinic.

Their mother scolded them for being out all night, again, and returning covered in blood and filth, again. Still she made them breakfast while each took a turn bathing after the long night.

This was the new normal for the Hawke family as they tried to earn enough coin to join Bartrand and Varric on their expedition to the Deep Roads.   All too much being out at all hours of the day and night taking whatever odd jobs would earn them a bit of coin.  Though it had also earned them a few new friends and allies to help make the load lighter and easier.

It was sometime later, after they had eaten and gotten ready for sleep that Bethany finally spoke up. “You fancy that grumpy elf, don't you?” she asked her older sister, a mischievous gleam in her eye.

Jacqueline looked over at her sister in shock as she pulled the ribbon from her long dark auburn hair. “What are you going on about now, Beth? I don't...”

"Oh, don't give me that. I'd have had to been a blind Qunari to miss how you flirted with him. Not to mention how you both kept glancing at each other during the fighting, and NOT just to make sure you were aware of where the other was,” she interrupted. “I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen you flirt like that.  Like you actually meant it.”

Jacqueline sighed as she stared up at the ceiling and shook her head. “Your reading into it too much, Beth. Besides, he's an ex-slave. From the sounds of it this is the first bit of freedom he's allowed himself. I'm not going to complicate that more than it already is for him. He needs friends now more than anything else,” she reasoned with a sigh.  
  
Bethany laughed and shook her head. “None of that means you can't, or don't, like him, Jacque. You're just making excuses or maybe you don't know it yourself. I'm still not sure.”  
  
Jacqueline was silent for a long time and Bethany thought she had fallen asleep until she heard. “So what if I do? That just proves why I can't act on it or anything. I want him to have something he never had before, Beth. Even at the risk of my own heart.”

Bethany looked over at her sister in confusion. “Oh? And what is that?”

Jacqueline looked over at her and smiled sadly. “A choice. A say in his own life. Promise you won't tell anyone about this, Bethy. I don't want him to feel obliged or pressured into joining us or even befriending us,” she explained.  She looked thoughtful as she recalled how Fenris had jumped at every little sound.  How he was so kneenly aware of where everyone was in relation to where he was, and how he allowed her at his back ONLY in the heat of battle, otherwise he kept his back to a wall or where no one else could sneak up behind him.  It made her sad to think of how long he'd have had to be on the run to have reactions like that.  She also wondered about all the little details about him.  
  
Bethany smiled and nodded. “I promise, but this only proves it. How much you like him. You have a big heart, maybe you can share it with him and help him heal his own, “ She said. However, when she looked over at Jacqueline she was already asleep. She sighed and rolled over to fall asleep herself, shaking her head at how truely helpless her sister actually was, especially when it came to her own feelings.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it. Baby steps, my friends.
> 
> Again feel free to leave comments questions... throw rocks at my head. (Though in honesty I would prefer not to have that last one.) I will try to post the next chapter or so soonish. Please keep in mind I do write the chapters out by hand first... so it may take a small bit between posts, especially if the Real Life Stuff becomes too crazy and/or stressful.


	4. Bring Me A Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A transition as the group figures out who works well with whom and possibably a reason why Fenris is so grumpy. Which Hawke tries to help him with.

Time moved on and Jacqueline continued to work toward the goal of 50 Sovereigns for Bertrand's Expedition into the deep roads.

She tried to include Fenris when she could. Letting him know of things in advance, when she knew herself, or stopping by when jobs suddenly popped up.

Sometimes she would just visit his mansion just because she could, under the guise of not wanting him to be lonely or feel like he'd been forgotten. She honestly liked being in his company and he found he enjoyed her's as well.  He didn't feel the need to fill the air with chatter like Merrill and there wasn't the awkward tension she tried to ignore that was Anders and his feelings for her.

He was surprised by that. She never pressed him for conversation or asked for anything when she came to visit. He began to notice small things about her. How people trusted her in spite of her being a rogue and traveling with apostates. And she collected the strangest friends and genuinely cared about them. She ran her hand through her hair when she was frustrated or chewed at her lip when thinking.

He even came to... Understand Bethany. Why the sisters were as they were. They had lost everything except each other and their Mother. He saw a strength in the Hawke sisters he hadn't been looking for, especially in a Mage. She knew his dislike and distrust of magic so she did what she could to make him comfortable. Usually by not discussing it or keeping her magely trappings hidden.  She even made sure he could see her and got his consent before she would attempt even the most simple of healing spells on him when she could spare the moment, otherwise letting Hawke tend to his more minor wounds in the more mundane, less magical ways.

Same could not be said for Anders who tried to convince him of his “Wrongness of views” every chance he got. The former Gray warden also stuck close and constantly flirted with Jacqueline. Fenris wasn't sure why that bothered him.  He had no claim on the fiery woman, though occasionally she looked just... overwhelmed with his advances.  Somehow the mage kept missing the small signs of her irritation.

Merrill was another thorn in his side. Constantly going on about Dalish ways and Magic. Sometimes he thought she was trying to recruit him to the clan and their ways, to accept the magic of “The People”.  Other times he wasn't so sure.  It was her pitying looks that got him the most.  Like she was sad he had no connection to ANY past so she sought to fill it with fanciful stories of the Elves that Were.  Something about it sounded all too much like the Teventer he was trying so hard to cut ties with.  And her arguments fell short, especially when considering that she was so absentminded she needed an escort or a ball of string to find her way around the city.

The others would notice his frustrations and discomforts and try to intervene, especially Varric or Hawke. The others might not understand him, but they weren't as  exhausting or as vexing as the two non-Hawke mages. Though he was never sure on what motivated Isabella, she just flirted with everyone... and everything it seemed.  Constantly prodding him for very private information, such as the color of his smalls, or turning anything he said into a sexual joke.  Still she did the same with everyone and it was oddly comforting that she was treating him like anyone else.

Just as he was learning about Jacqueline and their Merry Band, Jacqueline was learning about him. First thing she learned was he didn't like to be touched, and woe be to anyone who touched him when he wasn't expecting it or couldn't see you. At the very least he would tense up as if waiting for something painful. At worst his markings would flare to life and he would catch himself before striking out in fear or panic. Though, that did teach Isabella a proper respect for at least HIS personal boundaries, though she had said it was all quite thrilling.

Second, he REALLY hated Anders. To the point she had started avoiding asking them out on the same jobs. Though it kept happening, somehow. She suspected someone, Bethany or Varric most likely, was meddling.

Third came the little things. How he hid behind his hair when he was uncertain about letting his emotions show. How he fidgeted when waiting or trying to stand still, constantly looking over his shoulder or at his surroundings. His clenched fists were a sure sign of frustration or anger.

Finally, she learned he didn't sleep much. When he did it was fitful at best. She learned that on accident when their group had camped out near the Wounded Coast.

They had drawn lots for the watch, Jacqueline's watch falling after Fenris and before Bethany. He decided to sit with her for a little while after her watch started. He seemed relaxed for the first time in days. When he had yawned and idly rubbed at the markings on his arms, which she had no doubt were hurting him, she told him to go get some rest.

He started to protest, something odd shining in his mossy green eyes she couldn't identify.  
  
She reached over and lightly rested her hand on the back of his, he didn't move it. Small victories. “Fenris, you need to rest, we have a long day tomorrow. You are safe here, I won't let anything happen or anyone to come after you,” she said softly so only his elven ears would hear it. She also could tell Bethany and Isabella were well and truly out of it.

He was hiding his face behind his hair when he sighed. “I... yes,” he conceded. He then placed his free hand over hers and gave it a light squeeze. “Thank you, Hawke,” he added before bidding her good night and going to the small sleeping area he had claimed separate from the others.

He slept on top of his bedroll, in a protective ball. His huge weapon just within arms reach for easy access should there be a threat. These small details did not go unnoticed by Jacqueline who frowned at the fact that he still couldn't shake them.

It happened just a short time after his breathing had evened out signaling he truly had fallen asleep. He began mumbling in Tevene and jerking about in his sleep.

Silently she stepped over, as only a rogue could, and moved his weapon a bit further back, wondering once again how a scrawny, lanky looking elf could carry, much less use with any proficiency such a large, heavy weapon. She knew he was just as deadly without it, but it would require more time and effort on his part.

“Fenris, wake up,” she said softly, not quite ready to risk touching him. “Fenris, it's just a dream, wake up,” she said a bit more firmly.

When a few more tries failed to rouse him she braced herself as she reached out to touch him. Her fingers barely touched his skin when his marks flared to life and his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist in a death grip.

Her turquoise eyes stared into his green ones and she saw him slowly emerge from his nightmare. He was panting as if he'd been running or fighting hard. His eyes darted from her to his hand around her wrist and back.

A new and unexpected fear gripped him then. He had almost struck her to harm her... or worse. His grip loosened as he realized he probably was with how tight his hand was. He released her and rose to his feet. Again, hiding everything behind the veil of his hair.

“Fenris, are you okay?” she asked as she rose to stand next to him, trying to see behind his hair. She reached out to him, but thought better and let her hand fall back to her side.

That hesitation hit him like a punch to the gut and he could only stare at their feet as shame and guilt filled him. “I... am. I... I didn't hurt you, did I?” he asked uncertainly. He could see the redness around her wrist.

She smiled at him and let out a small scoffing laugh that helped ease his fears. “No, you didn't. I was expecting it, actually. That's why I made sure I was between you and your weapon,” she admitted softly. “I tried to wake you without having to touch you, but you were too far into your nightmare.”

His eyes shot up to hers at those words. She had tried to comfort him? To rescue him from the memories that he could not escape from in sleep. The pain and manipulation he had endured at Danarius's hand. She even tried to give him the space he needed and not touch him. Why would anyone do that? Why would she do that KNOWING he would lash out at her. “You didn't have to do that,” he growled defensively. She didn't move or flinch, she simply watched him, concern in her bright eyes as she nodded to him.

He lowered his gaze again and took a deep, calming breath  as his eyes focused on the mark his hand had left around her wrist. “But... I thank you... for your concern.” He added softly before he looked up into his eyes again. Hesitantly he reached up and moved a lock of hair away from her face.

She knew he was still shaken on many levels, his eyes still held the post night terror haze. She could only imagine what lurked in his past to cause them. She did not blame him for his outbursts, not entirely. She could see something more in his dark green eyes, now.  Especially with how his eyes kept shifting to her wrist. “We all have them sometimes... Dark memories that haunt us only in our sleep. Just remember, you are no longer alone, Fenris. Sleep. If you want I will do what I can to help keep those memories at bay. I can guard the camp from here as well as anywhere else,” she offered.

Many emotions flashed through his eyes, she couldn't keep up with them. He took a deep breath before lowering back to his bedroll. “Do as you will, Hawke,” he answered gruffly as he lay with his back to her.  She wasn't looking at him with pitty, for which he was glad.  She simply seemed to want to help him, and that only confused him more.

As he got comfortable she gathered her things and moved them nearer to him. She got comfortable for the rest of her watch before she began to sing softly, a lullaby her mother would sing to her or the twins during stormy nights or when they had nightmares.

"Bring me a rose, In the winter time, When they're hard to find.  
Bring me a rose, in the winter time, I've got Roses on my mind.  
For a rose... is sweet, most any time and yet...  
Bring me a rose, in the winter time, I've got roses on my mind."  She sang in a soft, higher range, the notes clear and carrying around them.  She continued humming and repeating the verse once or twice, as if it were the only one she could remember.

By the time Bethany rose for her watch Fenris was deep asleep and Hawke was still humming that familiar tune nearby. Bethany smiled knowingly and nodded to her sister that she was taking over.  She remembered that song and knew there would only be a few reasons that her sister would be humming that song.

It wasn't until the next morning when Fenris awoke that he learned something else. Hawke had a decent singing voice. One that had chased away the ghosts in his past and the pain they normally brought him. He caught her eye as they packed up the camp and he smiled shyly and nodded to her in thanks.  He didn't want to say anything and draw attention to it when there was no doubt in his mind Isabella would tell all of Lowtown and it would end up in one of Varric's stories.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its cute and fluffy... the calm before the storm. Dun Dun Dunnnn!
> 
> The song here is one I learned when I was younger. It has 3 verses, this is just the first. I have yet to meet anyone who has ever heard of this song before. I sing it to myself on occasion when I am feeling stressed or can't sleep. Over time the other verses will be revealed when the timing is right for them.
> 
> I had originally put this as two chapters but it made more sense as one. So there you have it.


	5. Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the gang gathers to discuss who is going to the deep roads and who is not.
> 
> Fenris tries to help Hawke with her nerves about the decisions

Not long after the group was gathered at the Hanged Man to discuss the Deep Roads venture.

“Blondie, you sure you don't want to join us? We could use someone with your unique experience and expertise,” Varric argued not for the first time that night.  
Anders shook his head. “For the last time, NO, Varric. I held up my end of the bargain and got you the maps. I have done enough Deep Roads wandering, thank you,” he argued back.

“I still don't see why you won't let me join, Varric. Have I am not proved I am useful in a fight?” Merril asked, softly.

“Daisy, I appreciate the offer, but you still need to use a ball of twine to get from here back to your house in the Alienage. We won't be able to keep looking for you if you get lost,” the Dwarf answered with a sigh.

“Not to mention with she'll make it twice as dangerous with her particular talent for blood magic,” Bethany added before taking a drink. “Besides, if I am going isn't that magic enough? I can use elemental offensive spells and have learned a lot of healing and protective spells since working with Anders in the clinic.”

“And leave Mother alone with Gamlin if anything goes wrong? I can't allow that,” Jacqueline argued.

“Hawke, her going has more pros than cons. If she wants to come let her. Sunshine is a grown woman after all,” Varric vouched, gaining a smug grin and thanks from Bethany.

“I would like to go,” Fenris said suddenly before another round of arguments could start. “And if I go, you have another front line fighter to keep Bethany safe and prevent 'anything bad' from happening. Especially since Isabella thinks it would be boring and Aveline can't take the time off.”

Every eye in the group was suddenly on the broody elf and he didn't shy away or flinch. In fact he only smiled his odd half smile in response.

“I never thought I'd see that,” Aveline said with a smile as she leaned back in her chair.  Fenris was actually speaking up and volunteering?  Who was he and what had he done with the brooding elf?  Though a few weeks in the Deep roads was probably more safer than sitting in a dilapidated mansion waiting for slavers and bounty hunters to find him.

Bethany laughed outright at the look on her sister's face and the odd mix of emotions found there.

Anders looked as if he were going to protest when Varric intervened. “I never thought you'd offer, Elf. That does have merit, and it helps everyone involved. We could always use the extra muscle from what Bartrand has been saying.”

Bethany looked almost triumphant. “So its decided. Varrric, Jacque, Fenris and I will go to the Deep Roads and the rest of you can help Aveline make sure we have a home to return to,” she summarized. When Jacqueline looked like she were going to protest she added. “Fenris chose as have I, to do this, Sis, accept it.”

Jacqueline's eyes met Fenris' and he gave a small nod to her, agreeing with Bethany, or perhaps for some other reason, Hawke couldn't tell. She looked around to see the alarmed, thoughtful look on Anders' face and she nodded with a sigh. “Fine, but you have to break it to mother, Beth,” she countered, seeing her last opportunity to protect her sister.   She would scold the other Hawke woman about the low blow about word choice later.  Anders' reaction only made her more nervous about including the two closest to her.

She felt something warm touch the back of her hand and when she looked down she saw Fenris' long fingers trying to gently pry pen the fist her hand was clenched into under the table. She relaxed her hand and he lightly wrapped his fingers around it in an attempt to reassure her.

Soon after she rose and looked at her friends. “I should head home, early start tomorrow after all,” she mused.

Bethany was about to rise to join her but Fenris was faster. That only caused Bethany to grin knowingly as she waved them on. “I think I'll stay. I'm sure Varric or Aveline will walk me home,” she mused, barely suppressing a laugh, especially at Anders' glower after the two as they walked out.

Bethany softened the blow by kissing Anders' cheek. The shade of crimson he turned had the entire table laughing in good humor, her sister and Fenris forgotten for now.

 

 

*****

 

The Two stepped onto the street and smiled as laughter erupted behind them.

“You know, you could have stayed. I don't need to be walked home. I can handle myself,” she said to fill the silence.

Fenris nodded and shrugged. “You seem troubled and I wanted to offer an ear if you want to talk about it,” he admitted softly. He could feel the tip of his ears heating and no doubt turning red as he stepped slightly out of his comfort zone while he watched her as they walked. “Also, I never properly thank you for what you did... at camp... on the coast.”

She stopped and looked up at him, trying to read him. She realized if he ever decided to stand up straight he would be very tall. But he hunched to protect himself and to keep from being noticed. She moved a bit of his hair so she could see his eyes.

He stiffened but did not stop her. His eyes showing only his concern for her among the many other emotions that were quickly lost.  Half of which he wasn't sure he had a name for.

“You don't need to thank me, Fenris, at least not with any sort of return favor,” she said softly. “Though, I do wonder if you are still having trouble sleeping?”

He turned his head then once again hiding his eyes, and by proxy his emotions, behind his white hair. She confused him and scared him a little more each moment he spent with her. He was afraid to hurt her. To see the fire in those blue-green eyes go out, because of him, because she genuinely cared. With her he thought he could imagine being truly free. Here she was asking something as simple and mundane as how he'd been sleeping. He no longer fell asleep to the memories of being a slave, or running, now he fell asleep to the memory of her voice and it still kept most of the nightmares away.

She turned to walk away. “Sorry, that may have been a bit too personal,” she admitted softly when he said nothing. She was aware he preferred to keep to himself so she wasn't surprised by his silence.

“I... have been sleeping... better. Thank you,” he answered softly as he realized he had been lost in his thoughts too long. He then took a few long strides to catch up with her. He was never completely sure how to read her reactions. To a slave that was a key part of survival, but she always made a point to show him she didn't see him that way.  Times like this when she asked something only to brush it off because it may have made him, or whoever she was talking to uncomfortable.

They fell into step once again. “You know, having bad dreams doesn't mean you are weak. Heck, I still have nightmares about our escape from the Blight on rare occasions. Sometimes it not always Carver in the grip of that monster,” she admitted in an attempt to put him at ease. She knew Bethany had those same night terrors. Those usually ended up with the hut they shared with Gamlen to either get very warm or cold, but she wasn't going to share that much.

He looked over at her and the admission and raised an eyebrow in curiosity. “Is that why you tensed when I offered to help protect you and Bethany in the Deep Roads?” he asked. When she didn't answer he turned his head and stopped walking. “Sorry, I should not have...”  He added quickly as he tensed slightly.  For him it was more out of self preservation so he didn't get hit or some other sort of punishment for speaking out of turn.

“That's part of it,” she answered suddenly, stopping and looking back at him as he looked nervous about something, likely overstepping some unseen line. “Fenris, do not apologize for asking a simple question. That is how you learn about things and about people. They will let you know if you have over stepped, only then should you apologize... or if you say something hurtful that you didn't mean. Though it is up to the other to forgive you... or to answer. Just remember, not all questions have easy answers.”

“I...” he paused and restarted as he rejoined her. “I have been alone too long, I think. As both a slave and a fugitive. Sometimes these simple rules of socializing confuse me. It was a bit easier when I only had to remember what was needed to keep the Magisters, and especially Danarius, happy,” he admitted. He saw the look on Hawke's face and gave a half smile before correcting, “Simpler, but not as filling. Company here is better, too. When Anders isn't spoiling it.”

Jacqueline rolled her eyes and smiled in spite of herself. “If I could I would choose for Just myself, Varric, and Bartrand for the expidition. I know the dangers and would hate for someone to be hurt or worse down there. You... Bethany... Anyone really. Even though I know you can handle yourself in a fight, as can Bethany,” she admitted at the foot of the stairs to her Uncle's home.  "I've seen enough people I love get hurt... or worse."

“Hawke... Jacqueline...” she said softly as he reached out and placed his hand on her arm to keep her from going further up the stairs. “You are constantly reminding me that it is okay to trust in others... in friends. You, Varric, Avaline, even Bethany, are we not friends? You also remind me to take it one day... one moment at a time. Now, I will remind you of that,” he said with his gentle, almost smile. “Vitae benefaria, Amata,” he added in Tevene with a formal bow.

Hawke laughed and shook her head. “You know I don't understand what you just said... at the end,” she chided playfully, wondering if she should be worried about it.  Though from his tone and the look on his face she figured it wasn't anything malicious.

His smile broadened and turned confident and a bit playful as his ears turned red again. “I know, that's why I said it. Good night, Jacqueline.” With that his hand fell and he began his solitary walk back to his mansion in Hightown, leaving a very confused Hawke behind him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this Technically foreshadowing? I don't know.  
> This is also combining what was originally 2 chapters into one.
> 
> Also on the use of "Amata", most langues based off of Latin have gender specific versions of some nouns. I feel like here he's admitting to himself he may have feelings of something for her, but mostly he wants her to think of something other than what she is afraid of. The phrase is a formal Tevinter farewell followed by a feminine form of "Amatus" which Dorian uses if you romance him and means "Beloved". Though I think here Fenris is unsure of in what way he means the word.  
> Please don't hurt me. I'm not sure if the next chapter would need me to add an archive warning... I'll post it and decide if I need to change it later. I'll still tag the outcome of the deep roads when I post it.


	6. Deep Roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think the title pretty much sums it up. The Misadventures before and during the Deep Roads Expedition.

It wasn't until she saw him approaching the group the next morning that she realized his little ploy to calm her nerves had worked. She had been so focused on figuring out what he had said in Tevene she forgot to worry about Bethany and him and all the other little things that could go wrong in the Deep Roads.  She smiled as she looked up at him and mouthed a thank you to him which he acknowledged with a simple nod of his head to her, though he looked like he wasn't sure why she was thanking him exactly.  
  
The only conclusion she came to about it was she could not ask either of the others in their group who may know Tevene what it meant. Even the most innocent of things would be twisted into something more by Isabella. Varric would turn it into one of his sordid stories. Besides something about how he said it told her it likely had some deeper meaning Fenris, being a strategist, likely had come to the conclusions she had and had counted on it.  
  
Bartrand seemed over eager to leave while Bethany and Fenris were off to one side talking. As one of the financial backers as well as the one who got the maps, she was in the front of the gathering with Varric and Bartrand. The surly older Tethras brother was about to give the move out signal when through the square rang out, “Jacqueline Marian Hawke! Bethany Elaine Hawke!” causing the ladies in question to cringe. Varric raised an eyebrow and grinned at this new discovery while Fenris cringed at the tone and how the Hawke sisters reacted to it.  It was apparent that while he may not know the full terror of having your full name yelled out like that, he could more than understand the tone in which it was yelled.  
  
Bartrand's question of who brought the old woman was redundant and Jacquleine sighed. “Give us a moment,” she requested.  
  
Varric moved to stand next to Fenris as the sisters convinced their mother all would be fine.  
  
“Be glad you can't remember the horror of a parent using your full name, Elf,” he said looking up at Fenris.  
  
“That would also require I remember what that name was. Few things have made Bethany or Hawke look so terrified, so it must be bad,” Fenris mused with a half smirk.  
  
“I sometimes think I envy that part of you. Especially seeing Leandra's wrath,” Varric admitted, laughing at the incredulous glower Fenris shot him. “Key word there is sometimes, Broody.”  
  
Bethany and Jacqueline returned a few moments later. Bethany seemed even more determined than before while most of Hawke's good humor was replaced by the same thoughtful worry from the night before, and then some.  
  
As they started out for the entrance to the Deep Roads Bethany sighed and looked at Jacquleine then Fenris. “Fenris, I don't know what you said or did to my sister last night to get her out of her mood, but could you please do or say it again so my sister isn't a stick in the mud the entire trip,” she requested as she crossed her arms and glowered at her sister.  
  
Fenris blinked and Jacqueline startled before both looked at her as if she had sprouted fangs or horns.  
  
“We did nothing but talk,” Fenris admitted. “You have been around Isabella too long if you think there was more to it than that.”  Still he had a look of concern on his face as he watched Hawke.  
  
Varric Smirked. “Then why are your ears redder than Hawke's confused face? I think Sunshine is on to something,” he mused.  He would have never put money on Hawke and Fenris becoming an item, but from what he was seeing now they both had it, and they had it bad, even if it seemed they didn't want to admit it to themselves.  
  
Hawke shook her head. “Lets go before Bartrand changes his mind on letting us join him or someone like Anders tries to stop or join us out of spite,” she mused as the expedition started with good humor and teasing.

  
And so the journey to the Deep Roads began. The week down saw high spirits and a sense of comradery formed between the party members.  
  
Sandal would go from group to group 'Visiting'. His reaction to Fenris both amused and confused the elf and his companions. The Enchanter Dwarf reached out and touched Fenris' Lyrium markings and declared “Enchantment Elf”.  
  
Jacqueline froze when she saw the dwarf reaching to touch Fenris, unsure of how he would react to the attention or touch.  In the end she had to cover her mouth to hide her laughter as Fenris' look was unguarded and bemused. The markings flaring only added to Sandal's amusement to see the “Enchantment” work.   
  
Sandal would then refer to Fenris as “Enchanted Elf” as did several others who seemed too intimidated to get to know the elf better. He tolerated it in stride knowing there were far worse things he could be known as or for.  Besides, it beat being called Broody all the time, though he seemed to only let Varric get away with that particular nickname.  
  
After a week things began to change. Bartrand, who the entire time had been acting odd, paranoid, and twitchy became even more paranoid and twitchy. He growled at the oddest things and especially at his brother.  
  
Varric, as usual, took things in stride. Though he was proving even he had a limit. This was reflected in his spending more time with the Hawke Sisters and Fenris. Even Sandal's company was preferred to Bartrand. Though it seemed all hell broke loose once a cave in happened.  
  
Of course, Bartrand started demanding the impossible of his crew. Then it appeared Sandal had gone missing and who knew what they didn't know had also gone wrong.  
Hawke and company decided for the good of everyone's sanity they would scout around the rock slide while also trying to find Sandal.  
  
The group was meticulous after each encounter. They cleaned and dressed their wounds quickly to avoid getting any Darkspawn blood in them, using potions to close them when available. Anything to avoid getting the Blight.  
  
Fighting Darkspawn and giant spiders were still preferable to Bartrand's growing ire and impatience. Suddenly they were there... in the new Thaig and it seemed everyone went in all directions at once.  
  
  
Hawke and her little band were drawn to the darker, more dangerous parts of the Thaig. That was when things went straight to the abyss.  
  
Seems Bartrand had counted on his brother and friends to enter the more complex areas and shadowed them. Hoping to take credit for some of the findings because Hawke and company were ever moving forward through the tunnels.  
  
Not that it affected Varric or Jacqueline as partners they were guaranteed a share of the overall profits and didn't have workers to pay in the end.  
  
The Thaig kept Fenris on edge more than usual. The odd red glow of the lyrium around them caused his markings to itch almost as if they were writhing or humming to get away from the ominous stuff. He would often rub at the markings to try and alleviate the constant itch from them.  
  
Bethany was fascinated with the world they had discovered, so different from their own. Varric even joked that maybe she was a better Dwarf than he was for it. She was always darting into rooms to see how each carried from the next.  
  
As the Veins of red Lyrium became more frequent and pronounced, it lit their way with an eerie blood red glow. It gave Hawke and ominous sense of dread. Even Bethany's enthusiasm became more cautious.  They came to a chamber that had a sense of purpose and significance to it. On a dais in the middle of the room sat a small statue of some sort. An idol of red lyrium with a strange twisting form.  
  
The Madness of Bartrand became known here when the approached the group, his eyes focused only on the idol, as if that were all he were truly seeing.  
  
“The location of this Thaig alone is worth a fortune, I have no intentions of splitting this three ways. Sorry Brother,” Bartrand sneered as he carried the idol out of the room. The red of the lyrium around them reflecting ominously as he closed the large, ancient door and barred it from the outside.  
  
It took a few heartbeats for the group to reach the door in time to hear the bar drop with a sound of finality as it slid into place, locking them in the forgotten Thaig and the dreaded Deep Roads.  
enris' arm to halt his search.  
  
Varric raised an eyebrow and Bethany smiled when Fenris didn't tense or flinch at the sudden touch to his arm that he didn't see coming.  He simply stopped and nodded as he reached over and rubbed Hawke's arm before moving away from the door.

It was moments like these Hawke proved her mettle. She immediately took stock of the room and they redistributed their supplies and loot. She then looked at the map and led the way deeper into the Deep Roads.  
Hawke and Fenris took point, being melee fighters they could take the hits. Bethany was in the middle distance throwing spells and giving aid from a protected position while Varric (and Bianca) took flank to cover everyone else and make sure no surprises came from behind. They had only a vague concept of time or how long they were down there wandering when they encountered their first “profane” rock wraiths.  
  
“Maker's hairy balls! What are those things? Looks like a demon merged with a blighted pile of rocks!” Varric exclaimed when he first saw one, proving the Dwarf hadn't lost his sense of humor. Making the group laugh, or at least smile, for the first time in a while.

“There's a mental image for you, Jacque,” Bethany joked as they fought.

“Which one? Both are nightmare educing. Almost bad as these blighters themselves,” Hawke mused before the next wave hit.

She flanked the one Fenris was fighting as they were all becoming exhausted. Rations were getting low and they didn't dare sleep for more than a few hours. They rotated each rest for who would keep watch, though they all barely slept. This took its toll on morale.

“Hey, guys, I think the path has started upward again,” Bethany mused as they rounded a corner to go up a flight of stairs.

They then found the way blocked by a rock wraith that openly admitted it was possessed by a hunger Demon. He explained that he fed off the hunger of the “Profanes” and offered them a key to get out if they left ftothem alone.

Varric, Bethany, and Fenris shifted uncomfortably as they all looked at Hawke to decide. Hawke looked at each in turn.

Varric simply looked eager to know how she would answer. SO far she had led them safely to this point.

Bethany looked nervous. She trusted her sister, but she was also aware that this may be the only chance to return home. She was weary of the Deep Roads, earthen walls, and eerie red lyrium light.

Fenris was a bit harder to read. Quite a feat since he was normally so very reserved and hard to read on his better days. Still he was comprehensive and concerned, so far as Hawke could tell. Still it seemed he trusted her judgement, Maker only knew why.

Hawke looked up at the Demon and shook her head. “Sorry, but that is a risk I am not willing to take. We'll find our own way out, if its all the same to you,” she declared. She didn't seem worried at his outraged cry as they walked past him and up the hall to continue their search for the exit. Now having hope that it could be... SOMEWHERE around here.

After more wandering and one exhausting fight with the Wraith-demon-thing they found the key and were able to continue their unending trek.

They found a routine, with Fenris generally taking up the rear, keeping an eye out for any danger lurking, hoping to attack their unsuspecting flank. Those lasted even less time than normal. The only real noticeable change in him was that he would idly rub his marking when he thought no one was looking, their eerie blue-white glow making him look even more intimidating in the light of the red lyrium.

The group set a grueling pace of walking and fighting from there on. Barely stopping for food or rest in their desperation. And they eventually did find the Deep Roads entrance to the forgotten Thaig they had originally used.

“Finally, the Deep Roads,” Jacqueline sighed in relief to be somewhere Familiar and to know soon they would be home and this “adventure” would be well behind them, a nightmare at best.

“And in only 5 days, not bad," Varric complimented as he stepped to stand next to Hawke.

“Guys, do you think we could take a break?” Bethany asked in a weak voice. “I don't feel so well.”

“Sure, we can set up camp. You go rest,” Hawke said before glancing back just in time to see Bethany start to fall over. “Beth, No... no,” she said as Fenris had already caught Bethany before she hit the ground.

Jacqueline knelt over Bethany. They all recognized the symptoms. The haze forming in her eyes while her skin paled and her veins darkened.

Bethany was the one brave enough to say it out loud first. “Its the Blight, isn't it? I'm going to go like Wesley...”  
  
“No... we'll find a way...” Hawke interupted ignoring Varric's hand on her shoulder.

“I'm not going to make it to the surface. I can feel it spreading faster now,” Bethany said weakly.

Varric looked stricken. “Well... shit. We're in the middle of nowhere, miles away from anywhere,” he pointed out . A look as if he realized he was loosing one of his best friends crossed his face. “No, Sunshine,” he whispered, his words taking on multiple meanings in that moment.

Jacqueline could only shake her head in denial of what was happening as she held her sister's hand.

Fenris knew what was coming, what would be needed to be done. He looked up at Hawke with a pointed look.

“Take care of it, won't you sis?” Bethany pleaded. Her gaze no longer clear and bright.

“How... How can I kill my own sister?” Hawke asked as her voice broke, but no tears fell.

Bethany reached up and put a hand on Hawke's cheek. “Because she is asking you to,” she answered softly. “Its just you now. Take care of Mother.”

“I'll do it,” Fenris offered and all eyes went to him. It was no different than what Danarius had had him do hundreds of times, only this time HE was choosing to. This time he knew and understood why he was doing it.  
Hawke's watery gaze met his in shock and she placed a hand on his arm.  
  
She couldn't let him do that. Let him add her sister's death to the weight already on his shoulders. “No, Fenris, this is something I have to do myself. I can't let you take on what is my burden to bear. I brought her down here, its my fault, my responsibility,” she said resolutely. Despite the tears in her eyes, her voice was strong, decided. “Could you and Varric give us some time alone?”

Fenris and Varric looked at each other and nodded.

Varric rubbed where his hand rested on Hawke's back. “Good-bye, Sunshine,” he said softly before simply walking away.

Fenris looked at a loss of what to say or do. He gave a slight bow to her. “You are a good woman, Bethany. It was an honor to know you,” he said finally before putting a bracing hand on Hawke's shoulder then walking away to join Varric.

Once the men left Bethany gave a short half-laugh. “High praise from him, especially for a mage,” she joked. “Don't blame yourself, and don't give up on him. You shouldn't be alone, and neither should he,” she added.

Jacqueline nodded and smiled weakly, a few tears fell down her face at how well her sister could read her. “Say hi to father and Carver for me. I love you Bethany,” she said softly as she drew out one of her daggers.

Bethany smiled and nodded. “I love you, too,” she whispered just before Jacqueline's dagger slid quickly between her ribs, making her death quick and painless.

Only then did Hawke pull Behtany close and start to cry out her grief.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG You Killed Bethany!
> 
> Sorry, too soon? Don't kill me for that. Debating if I need the "Major Character Death" tag for that.
> 
> So this story may not ONLY be about the choices Fenris makes but for Hawke as well and how actions influence things later. This is also so far the longest chapter as it combines three of my hand written chapters into one.
> 
> Also I still say there is nothing more terrifying than mother her child's FULL name. Also Jacque is pronounced Jack, since Hawke here has a tendency to act a bit more androgynous than feminine or masculine.


	7. Escape from the Deep Roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke, Varric, and Fenris leave the deep roads (And Bethany). A bit of the fall out and aftermath of events there. More emotional stuff... and some cute and fluffy.

 

She wasn't sure how long Varric and Fenris had let her cry. It was long past the time she had run out of tears, though. She felt a feather light touch on her back and she knew that it was Fenris' ever careful touch.

“I... I can't... we can't...” Hawke started before Varric spoke up.

“We aren't going to leave Sunshine to the Darkspawn and Spiders, Hawke,” Varric assured her as he picked up Bethany's staff and pack while Fenris picked up Bethany's body.

Hawke got the feeling that the two had discussed this while they had been giving her time to grieve. She followed behind them as they walked to a small alcove where a stone cairn had been built out of the rubble and rocks around them.

“She'll rest better here,” Varric said softly as Fenris laid Bethany carefully into her final resting place. Then Varric laid her staff and cloak over her. “I've got it from here. I'll take care of Sunshine now. Fenris, you take care of Jacqueline,” Varric added solemnly, showing he did know their given names.  He just preferred not to use them necessarily.

Fenris nodded as he gently led Hawke out to set up Camp and to help her clean up. He was silent as he built a small fire and watched her. “He blames himself, you know,” he said softly to break the silence. “He told you about the expedition and talked you into joining as backers after all.”  He was sitting opposite the fire, watching him through his hair.

Hawke looked up at Fenris and saw the look on his face, the one he usually had when he didn't want anyone to know what his feelings, and more importantly didn't want anyone to ask about them.

She realized this was hitting him hard, too. Both him and Varric. That it would also hit their friends who hadn't come along as well. Likely as hard as it would hit her. But not her mother, Leandra had already lost too many loved ones, this would devastate her.  “And you? Who do you blame?” she asked softly breaking the sudden silence that had wrapped around them, they both needed someone right now.  She needed someone to pull her out of her own head for a while, to help point her to where she needed to go and what she needed to do next.

Fenris looked shocked then shook his head. “Fully... I do not know. For once not magic, its likely what kept her going this long,” he admitted softly as he took a seat next to the fire. “I see where you and Varric could think you are to blame. But there are other factors that hold as much if not more weight,” he sighed and glanced back at where they'd left Varric as she took a seat next to him.

Hawke looked back as well and considered going to offer the Dwarf some help. She rethought that as she knew Varric had asked them to leave, meaning for once he wanted to be alone and not to talk to anyone.

“Bertrand for his betrayal, mostly. But also minor other things, like red lyrium, that I wasn't able to do more to help protect her, that The Mage didn't prepare us better or offer to come just in case. I'm sorry that you are carrying the weight of her death squarely on your shoulders, especially when there are so many 'what if's',” Fenris added softly as she laid down on her bedroll. “I promise... I will do better,” he vowed in an almost inaudible whisper as if he hadn't wanted anyone else to hear it.

It wasn't long after Hawke fell into a light almost sleep, one that kept her aware of what was going on around her but unable to truly act on it. Hours later Varric returned and sat on the far side of the fire.

He was quiet and subdued as he poked at the glowing embers. “You should rest. Its gonna be a rough few days to get out of here. I doubt any of us want to spend any more time in this Maker forsaken hole,” he grumbled, his expression hard and unreadable.

Fenris nodded and pulled out his bedroll to lay down. He didn't sleep, simply rested as Varric kept watch in sullen silence.

 

*******************************************************

 

 

The last week out of the Deep roads were the shortened to only six days due to the desperation of the smaller party. They had already cleared out this part of the path on the way down and nothing had come in behind them.

Varric sighed when the three exited the Deep Roads and found themselves in the middle of a forgotten niche in Hightown near the Blooming Rose. “Home Sweet Home, Finally. Wonder if that Bastard made it back to the city. Think I'd be that lucky?” he asked with a sigh and a shake of his head. He was trying hard to find his usual Demeanor.

“Just let me know when you find him,” hawk said through clenched teeth, her hands in fists at her sides.

“Trust me, you'll be the first one I tell,” Varric promised as he looked up at her. He sighed as he took a sudden interest in his feet for a few moments. “I'm sorry about what happened to your sister. I should have seen Bartrand's betrayal coming. I am going to catch that maggot if its the last thing I do,” he clenched his fists in determination before his demeanor softened again. “So I... guess you'll be heading home to tell the family?”

Hawke nodded and looked into the middle distance over Varric's head as she thought. “I don't have much of a choice. I can't put it off forever,” she sighed as she ran a hand through her hair.

Varric nodded “Not that it will help much, but remember, you're a wealthy woman now. It wasn't all for nothing,” he reminded her before turning and heading off in the direction of the Hanged Hawke watched his heavy steps as he headed through the streets. She continued staring well after he was gone, trying to think of how to break this to her mother.

She was so lost in thought she tensed and jumped lightly when she felt Fenris put his hand on her back. His touch was feather light yet firm, reminding her that she wasn't as alone as she thought. She smiled slightly when he began to lightly rub her back before he removed his hand.

“I don't believe standing here is going to make it any easier. If it is permitted... I would like to join you... for as long as you will allow it. I am not really sure what to do in situations like this,” he admitted softly as he looked from her to his bare feet.

Hawke looked up at him and smiled. She turned to face him and she took his hand into her own. “It is permitted,” she said softly, smiling despite the weight on her. “Though normally if you want to comfort someone, you don't need to ask if it is permitted, only ask how to help. Sometimes... just being there is enough, like now,” she explained. She wanted to say more but couldn't. Instead she released his hand and began to walk to her uncle's hovel.

Fenris watched her, his hands clenched at his sides as he watched her. He knew what she was facing, how close her mother was to her children. She would blame Hawke, putting even more guilt on Jacqueline's shoulders. He felt like he should help her., shield her from her mother's wrath. But he knew Hawke wouldn't let him. She was far stronger than most gave her credit for.

He rubbed the back of his neck as as he sighed and ran to catch up with her. He escorted her through Low Town to where they had been living and watched her go up the stairs and through the door. He ran his hand through his hair again and sighed as he imagined what it was like for Hawke. He shook his head before he walked the streets of Low Town back to “his” Mansion in Hightown.

 

By the next morning Jacqueline couldn't stand being in the small house. Her mother blamed her for Bethany's death and Gamlin only fueled the flames between Liandra and her oldest, and only surviving child.

She left at first light, with the pack of loot from the Deep Roads as well as the Forgotten Thaig. As she recalled Fenris had taken Bethany's pack with him.

She walked into the Hanged Man just after dawn. Most of the nightly drunkards had gone to bed and the day ones hadn't started their rounds so it was oddly quiet in the normally lively tavern.

Without stopping she walked up to Varric's “Suite” and kicked the bed as she dropped her pack unceremoniously onto the floor, filling the room with the resounding clatter of metal and whatnot.

“Maker's Balls, Hawke, You look like shit. What time is it anyway? Did you even sleep?” the Dwarf mumbled as he sat up, his prized chest hair on display with only his usual necklace to break it up.

“Get up, I won't have my mother in that house with that Leech of Society any longer than absolutely necessary. And no, I did not sleep. I listened to my mother crying and my uncle berating my Father, Sister, and Brother for dropping us into his lap. I am going to take back what is Mother's by right as quickly as possible, starting now,” she declared.

Varric sighed as he climbed out of bed, revealing he did at least have his pants on. He ran his hand through his hair before pulling it back into its customary ponytail. He sighed as he should have expected something like that. Loosing her sister had hit Hawke hard and telling her mother and uncle had likely not helped. He was starting to think that the Brooding Elf had the right idea in his trusting and relying on no one.

Speaking of Broody, “Go wake the Elf and help him haul the stuff he carried here while I wake up,” he grumbled.

Hawke glared at Varric for a few moments but nodded before grinning. “Only if you put a shirt on, A woman can only handle so much of your epic chest hair,” she teased with just a tiny spark of her old humor.

Varric looked up at her and grinned. “What? Don't want to give Broody yet another reason for his sulking? Though a little bit of jealousy may do him some good,” the Dwarf teased back.

Hawke smiled and shook her head as she waved him off., turning to leave the room.

 

It was a quick quiet walk from The Hanged Man to Fenris's Mansion due to the early hour. She hesitated for a moment before she finally knocked on the door.

She heard some movement before the door opened with a jerk and a growl from Fenris. She saw then the second topless male of her morning. She couldn't help but follow the swirling lines of his Lyrium markings as they crossed his olive toned skin and taunt muscles. If anything it made him look all the more deadly.

Fenris scowled as he opened the door, only to see a rather shocked looking Hawke. He looked confused and his scowled turned into a small, shy smile as he watched her cheeks color. “You do realize how early it is, Hawke?” he greeted her, sleep still evident in his already deep voice as he ran his hand through his hair.

Hawke blinked a few times as she felt herself blushing. She took a deep breath as she looked up into his deep green eyes.

Fenris sighed as he stepped aside and gestured for Hawke to step into the mansion. “Did you even sleep last night?” he asked before quickly adding, “You don't need to answer that. Feel free to rest. I imagine you will want to get started on removing yourself and your mother from your Uncle's toxic influence.”

Hawke nodded. “Varric sent me to get you and the rest of our findings so we can go through them and sell what we can't use. And no, I did not sleep. Returning home was far worse than I had thought it would be,” she admitted before she walked the stairs to the back rooms where she knew Fenris normally 'entertained', either himself or his select few guests. She noticed his tunic hanging in a corner, it looked quite a bit cleaner than when she'd last seen him, and realized he only owned the one set of clothes and his armor.

Fenris watched her and ran his hand through his hair, a sure sign of his frustrated with his inability to do anything. “I will get ready... while you rest,” he declared as she looked the most relaxed he'd seen her in days, if not ever, as she rested on the wooden bench.

He clenched his hands at his sides as he resisted the urge to brush a few errant strands of her hair from her face. He wanted to let her rest, to protect her from anything that would upset her, even when he knew she was more than capable of taking care of herself. He was unfamiliar with these emotions. Even though she had flirted with him from time to time, he wasn't really sure how she felt. Even still he wasn't truly free and he couldn't dare act on those impulses or feelings as it would be cruel to her. Not to mention that it would likely be the one thing that finally broke him. Instead he went and pulled on his mostly dry tunic and started pulling on the pieces of his armor, every now and then stealing glances to check on her.

“You keep glaring like that an I may burst into flames,” she said without opening her eyes. “I would ask whats weighing on your mind, but I know if I do you will only growl and walk away,” she admitted as she opened her eyes and sat up to stretch.

Fenris nodded and shrugged. “I would, but I was also thinking of letting you sleep a bit more sine you look like you need it,” He admitted softly with his shy smile returning.

Hawke blushed as she knew how rare it was for him to open up like that, to anyone. “Thank you, we should probably head out before Varric sends Isabella after us,” she teased.

He grumbled before going to where he had stored the packs from their adventure and offered one to Hawke. “I know I am not good with people. But if you need a place to sleep... Away from... whatever...” he started as he shifted awkwardly from foot to food no longer meeting her bright, crystalline turquoise blue eyes.

Hawke smirked as she looked at him, trying not to point out his nervousness or apparent embarrassment. “Fenris, are you offering me a place here... trying to help me?” she asked, making sure she understood the offer and his intentions.

The Elf shifted on his feet and a sigh left him. “I... I suppose I am. You do it all the time, without even thinking. You have already done so much for me and everyone around you, but you never ask for anything from your friends,” he pointed out as he rubbed his arm while he stared at their feet.  "For the first time in my memory I have the ability to return the favor and to help you... a little... if you want it."

He jumped and his eyes shot up as he felt Hawke's light touch on his arm, a small smile, the first genuine smile he had seen in a few days. He looked down at her hand and gave her his own, small smile as he stopped fidgeting.

“I will keep that in mind, but for now, lets head to the Hanged Man or Varric really WILL send a search party... or worse yet lead a search party to find us,” she joked as she slid her hand from his arm as she headed out the door. She could hear him grab his sword before he followed her.

The two walked in companionable silence as both of them replayed the events of the morning in their minds, wondering what exactly had just happened between them, and where this left the two of them now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so begins the first three-ish year hiatus part of the story. I have some of it typed and some of it written by hand. Posting is likely going to become a bit more sporadic as things come together. 
> 
> Thanks to the readers and reviewers and kudoses. (Is that even a word?)

**Author's Note:**

> So here we go. Most of this is actually the random side thoughts I had about the events as they played out in my most recent playthrough. I am going to try not to have too many direct scenes replayed here as that can get a bit... tedious. Feel free to leave comments and kudos and I'll try to answer when I see them. Otherwise just enjoy the adventure.
> 
> Tags will be applied as I need them.


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